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Posted by / 19-May-2020 20:57

They do not greet the visitors, rise for them, or see them out.

Don't fill in the time talking about happy subjects or inconsequential topics like politics or business. Your goal is not to get them to talk; it is to comfort them. By sitting there silently, you are saying more than words can. Here are examples of things not to say: Remember that speaking about the loved one they lost is comforting. It is all part of the important process of coming to grips with such a loss. Before leaving, one stands up, approaches the mourner and recites, "Ha Makom yenacheim etchem betoch sha'ar aveiliei Tzion v'Yerushalayim" -- May the Almighty comfort you among those who mourn for Zion and Jerusalem. Upon leaving the house of the mourner, it is customary to give charity in memory of the one who passed away, may his soul be elevated.Almost invariably, this leads to more questions and discussion that is comforting for the mourner and satisfying for those paying their respects. it does not take into account the sephadic minhag of eating with the mourners or eating and drinking while in the Shiva home.we are ashkenzim but my brother A"H lived in a mixed community and befriended many Sephardim, mostly Greek origin.for how to conduct oneself when making a Shiva visit.I wish I had known these things when I was younger, but IMO it is never too late to do the right thing! The most painful thing someone said to me at shiva was" I know what caused his death". : This insensitive comment did not not make the children or me feel any better. On the positive side, people who spoke with my children in a kind fashion deserve a special place in Olam Habba.

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When one pays a shiva call, the focus is on comforting the mourners in their time of greatest grief.