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The questions below are the same as those that appear on the official Illuminati membership form (see image link above). The opening question is, however, an opportunity to make your application stand out.

I shall now show you how to complete the form in order to apply to join the Illuminati. Write your name in full, exactly as it appears on your passport or other legal document. Consider introducing yourself with flair, for example (and do not copy this): “My name is _______________, but my heart beats in secrecy; I am nameless and faceless in the eyes of the New World Order.” Preferred pseudonym: Choose your pseudonym carefully.

If you are a CEO of a major company, however, you don’t have to add anything beyond your current position.

Your home address will suffice if no alternatives exist.

If you have a fan blog about Natalie Portman, include it.

If you have a blog about radical politics, conspiracy theories or banking, definitely include it.

Forget about what you know of “wrong” and “right.” The application process is, in part, a test, in which you can demonstrate both cunning and intelligence in your answers.

It is a balancing act, and one I shall guide you through now.

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Therefore, consider writing something like: “Belgian (but a fraternal citizen of the World, a brother in arms to the New World Order).” Spoken languages: List the languages you speak.

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